I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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