I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
