Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
