We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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