I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
