btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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