If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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