P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
