Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
