So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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