He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
