Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
