I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
