That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i now understand why vodka
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
