i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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