I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Found the puke drawer
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
