Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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