You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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