I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
