as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
