That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
