I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
