No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
