I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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