I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
