Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
