I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
