sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
