Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
