I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
