oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
