Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
