loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
