this boner is exhausting
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
