We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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