At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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