So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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