its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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