shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
