Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
