her vagine was all disorganized.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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