She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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