Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you inspire me to be a worse person
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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