You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
