were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
