Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
