My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
