part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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