Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
