Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
