that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
